


on holding back, and not doing it

by ninata



Category: IDOLiSH7 (Video Game)
Genre: ...mostly!, Canon Compliant, Confessions, Dry Sex, M/M, Morning After, Referenced Drunk Sex, Rough Sex, i haven't written a comedy in like fifty years
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-12
Updated: 2018-11-12
Packaged: 2019-08-22 09:50:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16595576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninata/pseuds/ninata
Summary: Cruelly, nobody from Idolish7 stops Sougo Ousaka from doing something stupid while he's too drunk to stop himself.





	on holding back, and not doing it

Sougo Osaka has a problem on a Sunday morning. Well— let's be honest, he has a few.

The first is that his head hurts. A _lot._ There's a good reason for that, and probably the cause of the main problem in the first place…

How much did he even drink last night? Half a bottle of sake, right? That was enough for him. _Sou-chan's a lightweight,_ Tamaki says somewhere, smirking, as if he had any gauge for how much alcohol a person could drink. And furthermore—

No. He wasn't about to get mad about Tamaki.

Sougo is under a great weight. Heavy...Something heavy is on top of him.

Yeah, hm. There's a problem here...yeah, yeah. There's definitely a problem here…

He steels himself, taking a deep breath. Is he remembering right? It's all so foggy. They were pouring each other drinks, and Tenn was saying something rude, and Yamato kept shooting Sougo knowing looks, and then a few people excused themselves, and something about "just get him home safe", and…

Ah, okay. So this was Ryuunosuke on top of him, naked, purple marks stark against his warm skin. Right, okay. That's cool.

Sougo, in the confines of his heart, screams at full volume, tearing his hair out from the roots.

What the _fuck_ did he do? No, he knows what he did. What was he thinking?! No, really! What was he _thinking?!_ They were idols! Why did no one stop him?! Did Yamato really think nothing would happen, or was he making fun of him?! And…

He's naked. They're both naked. Suddenly he's very distracted.

He had caught the smell of Ryuunosuke's cologne ages ago, definitely didn't purposefully put himself closer to figure out which it was, and he, of course, didn't spend hours comparing bottles before Tamaki pointed out he said it in an interview from one of Sougo's personal set of magazines, nor did he have a bottle of his own, but, but—

Being pressed up against him, he can smell it so well. And alcohol, but mostly the cologne.

He resigns himself to remaining trapped, finding no willpower to escape.

Oh god. Maybe he's dying? Maybe this is what death feels like. Is he going to pass out? Yeah, he's gonna pass out.

He passes out.

The second time he wakes up, someone's shaking his shoulder. He chokes on his spit, coughing as his eyes shoot open.

"—Sougo-kun? Oh, thank God! It didn't look like you were breathing…"

"Ts-Tsunashi-san?! Oh! Uh, auh...Good morning!"

That was way too formal. Now he's sure he's going to cry.

"Good morning!" Ryuunosuke says back, just as formally. Sougo swallows heavily.

"Um…"

"Uh…"

A pause.

"Do you—  want coffee?" Ryuunosuke asks lightly. Sougo can't look at his face, even though he desperately wants to.

"Yes! Yes, of, um. That'd be nice."

Ryuunosuke sits up. Sougo's heart twists, all that warmth gone in an instant. He really didn't want it to go. Finally close to him, and in just one moment he's gone.

"Are you okay…?"

"Yes!" Sougo says hurriedly. "Just cold, sorry."

"Oh! Let me get you some clothes."

 _Some clothes?_ Sougo yells inaudibly. _Your clothes? You're going to give me your clothes? Can I keep them? I can't wash them— No, if I wash them and then return them, Tsunashi-san'll smell like—_

Ryuunosuke leaves. Sougo sits upright, rubbing his arms.

Sougo looks around again. TRIGGER gets their own hotel rooms, and they're huge to boot. They made it back to Ryuunosuke's room in one piece, at least. Fell asleep on the couch. Alright. One look at the coffee table— crumpled tissues and a bottle of lotion on its side— sends Sougo spiraling into flames of passionate shame, his heart writhing in his chest. He really— did _that_ with Ryuunosuke. How embarrassing was it? How much did Ryuunosuke remember of it? Did Sougo make any weird faces? Weird noises? Was it disappointing for Ryuunosuke? Sougo can remember...not a lot, really! That's awful. He's been waiting years for this opportunity, and he was too drunk to even...He could kick himself. No, he's really going to cry. That, or faint again.

How could he let himself do that? It...it would be one thing if Ryuunosuke instigated it, but...that was unlikely, because there was no way the feeling was mutual. How could he be so selfish? Seducing him! Coming onto Ryuunosuke like that…

...Coming onto...

Footsteps approach, and he hurries to glue himself back together. He reorders himself, he erases any signs he wants anything more from this, he firmly _kicks_ himself until he stops thinking of stupid things and he's ready to have normal, casual conversation with the man he's been pining after for more than three years.

"Sorry...it's probably a bit big on you, but it's better than wearing dirty clothing…"

 _It sure is!_ "T-Thank you, Tsunashi-san. I appreciate it."

Ryuunosuke hands him the clothing— a nice pair of jeans (which probably won't fit) and a dark teal collared shirt. He's seen him wear this shirt before. His chest burns white hot, and he almost forgets he's supposed to put them on. He takes the shirt, which had been folded neatly—

Boxer briefs…

Boxer briefs, boxer briefs, sitting in between the shirt and pants.

"I-I didn't think you'd want to go without underwear, and um...t-the ones you were wearing…"

That says so much. Sougo wheezes.

"Ah— Right, coffee. You must be thirsty."

 _Really thirsty,_ Sougo muses, moving robotically as he puts on...the clothes. Right, the clothes. He's putting on the clothes. His hands tremble.

It still hasn't sunk in yet. Really, it doesn't feel like he's jumped the hurdle yet. But…

But...butt. Ryuunosuke hasn't put on clothes yet. Sougo loses himself again, blacking out for however long it takes Ryuunosuke to make coffee for the both of them, his consciousness focused on the tight muscles of that body. There's nothing else in the room but him. There isn't even a room, actually. All there could be is that one man, dutifully waiting for the hot water to dye a deep brown.

When he turns, Sougo snaps back, rushing to button the shirt. He's kind of swimming in it, but it won't be too noticeable...And on that, he's already running in circles trying to figure out a way to explain himself walking out of the same hotel TRIGGER is staying at the next morning, wearing clothes that aren't his own…

How fucked over is he? How much does he actually care? Oh, oh no. He really doesn't care at all, and that's bad. _I'll just make something up on the spot_ is not the way to be thinking about this.

Ryuunosuke sets a mug of coffee down in front of him (next to the tissues, the tissues, dear Lord, those tissues!) and Sougo stares at it.

"...Your face is really red," Ryuunosuke comments. Sougo, like a hook has caught on his chest, rises a bit, looking up to his face, something crashing over him in a wave.

"I— I'm sorry! I'm just a little…"

His heart stops at the nasty bite marks in Ryuunosuke's neck, all the way down his chest, and...oh, his stomach too, and...Sougo, skillfully, looks away!

"Clothes!" Ryuunosuke exclaims. "I-I'm sorry, I've just been...walking around like this! I'm so sorry, that's...I'll be right—"

"You don't have to!" Sougo strangles himself mentally. Somewhere along his painful thoughts and trying to be polite and nice, he got confused. "I...I am SO sorry, Tsunashi-san, I didn't—"

"Sougo-kun, y-you...remember what happened last night, right?"

Sougo's mouth moves wordlessly for a second. "...Vaguely?"

"...I-I see! I...Oh, God. If you were that drunk, I shouldn't have…"

Sougo shakes his head vehemently. "No, no! You didn't— no, I don't, um, I wasn't so drunk I couldn't...I'm only sad I can't remember! If it's with Tsunashi-san, then I'm happy to..."

Hm. He's buried himself deeper in the hole. The urge to faint rises, but Ryuunosuke is still naked and in front of him, keeping him tethered to this world.

They're both too embarrassed to say anything for a few moments.

"...Y-You don't regret it?"

Sougo shakes his head silently.

"I see…" Ryuunosuke rubs his neck. "...I'm happy to hear that."

Sougo rocks forward.

He's drawn forward, really. Drawn to be closer to him. He holds back— and he wishes he wouldn't— but everything in him wants to get up and step forward. If what happened last night— if Ryuunosuke, _somehow,_ liked what happened, and if— if there was any chance, any snowball's chance in Hell that maybe—

His head and heart race. What kind of luck did he have for this to happen?

He had liked Ryuunosuke ever since TRIGGER'S debut. But those feelings as a devout fan all but swallowed Sougo whole when he met him in person. This— it was more than a celebrity crush, and he knew that. But he never worked up the courage to say anything, and he even dodged opportunities to be alone together out of fear, and everything…

Had he overcome it? What was the next step? What does he do?

"Tsunashi-san…" He forces out heavily. What's come over him? "Everything that happened last night, I could never...regret something like that… I...I-I've had...feelings for you for a while, now."

"You have?" Ryuunosuke's voice is breathy, incredulous. He begins to move, and Sougo gives him room on the couch to sit. "I...always thought you didn't like me."

"No..! Of course not! You're a really likeable person, Tsunashi-san...it would be ridiculous for me to…"

Oh, they're really close again. Sougo loses his train of thought. Those marks really are dark...he curses himself again for not remembering it clearly enough. How did that skin taste? He wants to know…

Y-Yeah, he really wants to know, doesn't he...Is he salivating? He's already forgotten how incredible it is for him to express anything like he just did.

"U-Um, Sougo-kun?"

"...I've always looked towards you, Tsunashi-san…" He says dreamily. He almost feels drunk, but he knows for a fact he's sober. "I've...always been watching you, so…"

The hook pulls him closer. His palm lands on soft skin, warm skin, his thighs are so...strong.

Oh, he's forgetting to hold back. That's bad. That's really bad. He doesn't want to hold back.

He looks to Ryuunosuke's eyes, only for them to be closed, his jaw slack. Sougo blinks a few times before he realizes that it's a sign to move forward. That was all he needed. That's all it takes for him to go forward blindly.

His other hand takes Ryuunosuke's chin and tilts it down, their mouths connecting. Bursts of flames, and what do flames do? They skate across anything flammable and consume it, burn it up, render it to ash. He presses forward until Ryuunosuke's against the arm of the couch, sitting on his hips, hands like a fire licking a sheet of silk, burning holes and devouring everything it can touch, his chest, his back, all of his body he can manage. Suddenly, all his inhibition is gone— Ryuunosuke's mouth is wet, just as warm as the rest of him, his body pressing where it can into Sougo's, his breath catching and catching again.

Teeth press into Sougo's cheeks, mouths angled poorly, but well enough. Their tongues twist, jaw still sore from the night before, and he loves it, loves the way it feels. He knows this is what he wanted all this time, ever since he saw that first live, every time those lips brushed the microphone, Sougo wanted him. It was a bias, it was a crush, it was meaningless, it was much too silly to think about so often. It couldn't be serious, it couldn't happen, it would never happen, but he wanted him, he wanted him so _badly,_ he wanted to do just this, shove a knee between his legs and listen to him gasp, tug on his lips with his teeth and suck on them, grab his ass and— and—

Sougo has a problem, and the problem is he's fallen in love. It's an alien feeling, and he doesn't know what it's turning him into. He thought he was milder than this, thought he had beaten back all the cruel hunger inside him. But he hadn't. He was stupid to think he could sleep with Ryuunosuke and not just go careening into madness. All this want that had building up inside him threatens to tear the both of them apart, and Sougo can't stop it. He lets it.

Ryuunosuke's arms are locked around him, too tight, perfectly so. His hips move against him, soft sounds drifting from his lips, angling himself to rub properly against Sougo's leg so he can— so he can, of course— hey, this is seriously happening, isn't it? It is, isn't it?

Sougo's lips catch Ryuunosuke's ear. He acts on impulses, ideas of what people do in situations like these, from what he _wants_ to do to him. Sougo bites him, kisses him, sucks on that skin, and it's salty, by the way, it just tastes like sweat, but he loves that a lot, and he sinks his teeth into that neck like he did last night, Ryuunosuke shuddering, drawling out his name—

One loud note. Ryuunosuke yelps in confusion, coming on himself. Sougo jolts up like he's been shot. _Risky na Kanojo_ starts to play much too loudly, and Sougo scrambles to glue himself back together, reining back all the terrible feelings that just took him over. He's on his feet, trying to find his phone from the sound alone, pulling it out of his sake-smelling pants' pocket. He doesn't even check who it is.

"H-Hello?"

"Hi, Sougo-san? This is Takanashi! Um...Tamaki-san and Yamato-san said you haven't shown back up at the dorms...are you okay? You two didn't get lost last night, did you?"

Sougo tries to catch his breath. "Ah, uh— Yes! Er, no! We're...It's fine! We're fine. I'm fine. Yes."

"...Sougo-san? Are you okay? You sound winded…"

"I'm fine! I'm really fine, I'm doing great. Um. Hahaha...ha." Mortified.

"...Okay? That's good to hear. Just making sure you hadn't died yet." A beat. "Try to head back soon, okay? Everyone's talking about strange things…"

That's enough to send a chill of terror down Sougo's spine. He's suddenly feeling something...yes, bloodlust.

"D-Don't worry, I'll be back soon!" He can hear Ryuunosuke putting clothes on in the background. He realizes, miserably, that he does need to leave. "Thank you for checking in with me, Manager! Sorry about this…"

"You're fine. I'll see you at the dorms."

He shakes as he hangs up the call. His lock screen is all LINE messages. The top message, from Yamato, reads _jesus christ my guy how long are you gonna fuck him._ Palpable bloodlust. Tamaki, after a series of stickers, says _is ryuu-ani my dad now?_

The violence increases…

"S-Sorry to have held you up."

Sougo jumps, turning his head. Ryuunosuke is clothed, to his chagrin. He is...wrapping a scarf around his neck. Well, it is winter. That's not too suspicious.

"No! It's fine!" Sougo is a rather complicated mess. That shocked him out of the mood, but he's still wanting something. He can't stay, though. He stares at Ryuunosuke with what he hopes isn't a pathetic expression, lost yet again, unable, this time, to properly collect himself.

Ryuunosuke looks him up and down. "Good, the shirt didn't get dirty…" Oh. Sougo's face flushes. "I...guess that means you need to leave, huh…"

Sougo nods. He looks away.

"I'll wash your clothing, so…! Um, don't worry about that. I'll mail it back to you. It...may be embarrassing to hand back in person…"

Sougo nods. "R-Right." He doesn't want anyone to see that happen. Someone's already going to end up dying when he gets back to the dorms.

"...Sougo-kun, um…" Ryuunosuke's cheeks are red. He smiles. "...That was...good, what we just did."

Like being struck by lightning, Sougo is frozen as fire shoots through every individual vein in his body. His hair must be standing straight up. Static? Electricity? Uh. Oh. He's sweaty again. Oh, he's so sweaty.

"...Was it good for you too?"

"YES!" Sougo says loudly, and all too quickly. His mouth hangs open in shock at himself. "..........Yes! It was great! I wasn't, um, that wasn't, you weren't…? I wasn't too…?"

"I, er...was surprised last night that Sougo-kun was that kind of person, but...I...l-like it, so, aha."

Sougo feels an indescribable urge to punch a hole in a wall, or scream. He does neither.

"We...should go!" Sougo chokes out, garbled as he tries to remember how words work.

"Right! Yes."

He stiffly reaches for the jacket he threw on the ground, gathering things like his keys and wallet as he sears the memory of what Ryuunosuke just said into his brain for the rest of forever. _I like it. I like it. I like it, so, aha. Aha. Aha. Aha._

Sougo may go insane.

He stands in front of the door, staring it. Ryuunosuke is behind him, wearing an allergy mask and glasses.

"...Sougo-kun? The door…"

"...Right, sorry."

If he leaves, it won't just go away, right? His palm meets the doorknob, and he pushes forward. He isn't happy with that, but it's what he has to do.

The hallway is a hallway, and the elevator is just as normal. They don't talk on the way, and Sougo replays the events of that morning in his mind. His stomach turns a few times, uneasy in remembering just how wonderful it all was.

He's struck by something. Might as well mention it.

"I-If there's...if anyone asks anything," Sougo says gently. "About me staying the night here, just say something straight. We're both men, so...It's easy to confuse reporters…"

"Something straight?"

Sougo fumbles. "Y-Y'know, like—"

"No, no, that's just a funny way to put it. I get what you mean."

Sougo considers banging his head against the wall of the elevator. They reach the lobby.

"I'll walk you to the station." Ryuunosuke says, his expression soft. "...If that's okay, of course…"

"Yes! I'd like that." Flustered.

"...Oh! Your hair's a little…" Ryuunosuke stops to brush his hands through Sougo's hair, presumably to...to...bedhead. Sougo's gone for a moment, and he _almost_ grabs him and kisses him, but there are people in the lobby, and he's very aware of it, and his stomach throws itself around uselessly. "There we go. Let's head out, it's not a long walk."

Sougo wants a lot. He wants to pin him to a wall and kiss him for a bit longer. He wants to hold his hand as they walk. He wants to stop to actually get coffee, he wants to take a detour and go do something together. He wants to spend the rest of the day with him, really. He doesn't want to leave this soon. He said so many things he’d only dreamt he could say, and he doesn't want to leave…

And he really wants to get off, but that's on the back burner. Mostly. God, since when was he like this? He feels like a different person, or like he was when he was too young to know better.

He thought he'd outgrown all those kinds of urges to do what he wanted. He thought he knew not to be selfish. He thought he knew to shut all that away and get his priorities in check, to put himself last— where he belonged— and be responsible. He thought he wasn't so immature. He's acting like an idiot, and it's all because of…

Oh, but he couldn't even be mad about it. It was so liberating. Maybe he was getting too comfortable with the idea too fast. Maybe he was letting himself relax? Maybe that was bad. Maybe this was horrible?

Maybe he was really in love with him.

His hangover doesn't even matter anymore. He's scared, and he's ecstatic. He thinks he may throw up, and most of all, he's stunned any of this happened.

There isn't any smalltalk to the station, and no one stops them. But it isn't a stiff silence— it feels nice, it feels like he's holding back again, but that's fine. He has so many things he wants to say, but he can't bring himself there yet. For now, Ryuunosuke's still smiling when their eyes meet, and he matches Sougo's pace, and that's triple everything Sougo needed (yet still, not enough).

When they get to the station's ticket gates, Sougo grinds to a halt, looking at the signs directing towards the subway line he needs to take. His body squeezes in on itself— his chest, his stomach, his brain, even. He doesn't want to go, again, but he has to. He really can't stay forever.

...But it hurts a little to admit that.

"...Thank you for having me, Tsunashi-san." Sougo says to him, facing him, bowing a little. "I-I'm sorry for all the trouble…"

"No, no, it's nothing…!" Sougo lifts his head at that. "And, er...I-I also...feel the same way, so…"

Sougo considers hurtling himself in the floor.

"...I hope I can spend time with you again soon." Ryuunosuke says quietly, looking around a bit nervously. "As idols, we...but, I…" He adjusts his mask. "S-Sorry, I hope you know what I mean…"

Sougo probably does? He nods fervently. Ryuunosuke extends his hand.

"This...is all I can do for now." He whispers.

Sougo stares at him, then his hand.

He shakes it.

They pause for a moment, looking at their linked hands.

The intercom announces the incoming train. Sougo's head snaps towards the ticket gate, and he mentally checks the location of his pass card.

"I-I shouldn't keep you!" Ryuunosuke says.

 _I wish you would._ "Right. I'll talk to you soon…!"

"Oh! I hope so, travel safely."

"Thank you! You too!"

"Thanks!"

"No problem!"

Sougo finally withdraws his hand, licking his lips. With emotions swirling inside him, he turns his back, and he scans his card at the gate. He wishes he could have Ryuunosuke all to himself, and he hurries down the escalator. He has a profound ache in his chest, and he wonders what the hell this is going to do to him.

Later, when he walks into the common room, everyone is waiting together.

“Sou-chan! Congrats!” Tamaki calls out.

“Congratulation!” Nagi sings.

“Nice shirt.” Says Yamato.

“Yeah, nice shirt.” Mitsuki chimes in.

Sougo clenches his fist, raising it, and at that, everyone scatters.

**Author's Note:**

> can you believe it? i wrote something that didn't need warnings. it's been so long since i've written something wholesome and normal, i could cry. i'm so happy to be back.  
> uh...probably none of my normal readers are into i7, so, this is probably a whole new crowd! hi. i'm new here. not sure if i'll write more, but i was particularly inspired by how stupid these two are, and i was surprised there wasn't enough of it to go around. hopefully this...satisfies a souryuu shaped hole in people's hearts.  
> i'm a big fan of sougo and tamaki having a completely platonic family dynamic, also. it's so fucking funny. tamaki has two dads now. oh god now i wanna write some hilarious single parent sougo au...  
> ...yeah! hopefully this is coherent. i didn't get a beta on it, because i was scared of how horny this was. i hope it reads well. thanks for the read!


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